I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
