Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
