I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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