At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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