found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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