and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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