I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
