OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
