this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
