So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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