Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your penis caused this!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
