i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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