It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
