AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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