Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
