If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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