I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
