You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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