Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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