I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
