the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I AM VODKA MAN
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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