just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
