On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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