Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
