You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
