I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
