gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
