DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
