billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
