I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
