she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
