DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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