I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
