So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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