i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
