i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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