I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
