i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
