So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
