BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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