I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
