he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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