my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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