i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
