it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
3pm strippers are depressing
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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