Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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