dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
