Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Terrible idea I love it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
