I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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