I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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