I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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