Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
