I wanna bring you to show and tell
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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