dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
