I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
