I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
40s are totally the cure
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
