We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
