I smell stomach acid.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
