The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
